Wow changes

It's been a very interesting 24 hours. Pat's got 2 new girlfriends, and I'm no longer welcome here. It hasn't been said in so many words, in fact he's emphatically said that he is not nor would he ever kick me out. But due to life changes, aka his new relationship options, the sooner I get out the better. It's too bad he never had the guts to bring any of this up with me as things developed, and I had to go behind his back to hear about it. The good news is that during our talk last night he finally managed to galvanize me into taking action. The job hunt has become a 9-5 job for me. Getting a job will be easy tho compared to finding another place to live. He is convinced I could get my own apartment, despite my credit. While no doubt there are some apartment complexes that don't run credit checks, there are the utilities to consider, I'd be very surprised if Comcast didn't turn down some people for bad credit. Oh well, we shall see. Right now my plan is to take things one at a time. First, get a job. Second, look into apartments. I'm not gonna try to do both at once.

Anyway, what really set me off and got me pissed off enough to do all this was when he was finally honest with me about how disappointed he's been since I got up here. He's very much like a mirror of me, and I've been disappointed as hell too, but I've been feeling too helpless to do anything about it. I don't think the concept of helpless even has a word in his vocabulary, and it really pissed me off that I've screwed up so badly, yet again, and that everyone can see it. I hate where I am in life, but everything I've lost *I've* lost. I've done it all to myself, and I cna't even put into words how that makes me feel. But the important thing is for me to use this anger for now to get up on my feet... I hope I never forget how badly it stung to see him sitting there looking disappointed saying "You know what REALLY got me?"

So yea, that's the update so far, I don't think I've eaten or drank anything in about 24 hours now so I'm going to go see if anything looks good.